I often write things and leave them in draft mode because they’re cheesy, aren’t finished, unpolished, or whatever other critique I can offer when I’m just not wanting to hit publish. Tonight I was going through some of those and found this post I wrote before I left my last job (earlier this summer), when I had no idea what I would be doing next.

I’m lucky now to look back on the fear and tension of not knowing what was ahead and realize how nicely it all turned out.

Here’s to uncertainty that ends well.

—–

Bravery feels stupid until it succeeds, then it’s bravery again.

Sometimes in moments between the first step and the success, there are hints of bravery. There are moments when you look at what you’re doing and thank god you have the courage to know when you need change.

I’ve had those moments. I’ve had fewer of them than I’d like, but just enough to make me hold to the idea of moving on just a little longer.

There’s nothing sad about what I’m doing. I battled that for a while. I thought it was so sad to be leaving the only career I’ve ever known. I thought it was so sad that I spent four years studying how to be in television and now five years later I’ve decided it’s not the right thing for me (at least not right now).

But it’s not sad. It’s life. It’s growth.

I stumbled hard on this journey. I spent six weeks in a long, arduous hiring process with a company that would be a dream to work for. I didn’t get the job. At the end of the road I wasn’t the single candidate they needed to hire. It was a blow, and somehow one of the most inspiring experiences I’ve had so far, because I learned even more about who I am and what I want. I learned it’s not about what exactly I’m doing, but who I’m doing it with and the passion we can all share for our work.

I thrive on passion. I live for the thrill of working with a team who is proud of what they accomplish. I want to be surrounded every day by people who are glad they get to come to work here, even during the tough days.

I’ll never be anything but thankful for the five years I’ve spent in tv news, for the people I’ve met and the things I’ve learned. It’s an incredible business, and a thrill to experience. Some of the best people in my life have come to me through my time in journalism. I’ll never fully step away, and maybe one day I’ll plant my feet back in a newsroom, but for now I’m moving on.

I don’t know what’s ahead of me. I don’t know what my job will be in 28 days. I have been and will be applying all over the Upstate. I’m even beginning to branch out to other cities. I’d love to stay near my home, but I’ll do what it takes to move onward and upward. Maybe I’ll land something I’ve dreamed of. Maybe I’ll be serving coffee for a while. I’m not afraid of either of those things.

The only thing that scares me more than failing at this change, is not being brave enough to go after it in the first place.