please put away the essential oils

About the time she pulled out three more tiny bottles of essential oils I was ready to scream “stop ruining my Saturday and let me leave”.

My hair has gotten really long. It’s easily the longest it’s ever been. I like it. It’s kind of stringy and probably more appropriate for the 70s at this point, but I like it. I didn’t even mean for it to get this long. It’s really happening by default. It’s a result of me avoiding hair appointments. I’m not against haircuts, I’m against all the pomp and circumstance that goes with grown woman hair appointments in 2013.

When did this happen? When I was a kid and I went to get a haircut all that happened was… are you ready for this?… someone cut my hairs. When did getting our hair cut become a whole ordeal? Why are there massages involved? I don’t mean the gentle head massage while shampooing. I mean, when the heck did they start rubbing essential oils on our temples and massaging our hands with lotion? I’m not being dramatic when I say I received no short of four massages the last time I went for a hair appointment. The woman massaged my hands twice, my shoulders, and my head… also twice.

I’m sure there’s a demand for this. I’m sure if I was a person who really loved sitting still for long periods of time while being pampered, I’d enjoy it. I’m willing to bet I’d appreciate it if I was a mom. Moms love those kinds of things (I think), because they deserve that kind of pampering. I don’t need it. I work hard, but outside of work I have next to no responsibilities. If I was not sitting in that chair I’d be outside playing around, hanging out with friends, or sitting on my couch watching something meaningless and entertaining.

What I’m trying to ask is, can I opt out of the pampering? Can I just walk in, get my hairs cut, and leave — without the essential oils? Can you put the essential oils back in the cabinet and save the massages for someone who didn’t just roll out of bed 15 minutes before this appointment with “haircut” listed as the only item on her to-do list?

One of my friends suggested I go to a barber shop instead. I’m honestly tempted.